A rare personal post sans link follows. All vagueness is intended. Specifics are not. Other than the myriad typos, it was edited significantly once, but that's because the placement of something and the wording of something else didn't make sense to me.
A friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend. It's going to be hard for me to be sympathetic to her—or, as you'll see, to anyone's—needs right now, for the following reasons:
- I don't—and never will—understand what she's going through.
- kind of related to the above, I don't know what her boyfriend is going through, since my experience in being a boyfriend is limited. I'm starting to forget what it's like to even have a girlfriend, what it was like to hold her hand, to kiss her, and do some of the other things that I got to do with her. I'm even starting to forget why why we even broke up! There's no pattern of breakups (there only being one), so whatever he does now, I won't be able to explain his thinking behind it.
- also related to the first point—and this is the least pleasant reason, no doubt—having dated the guy for so long, I have no idea how comfortable she'll be with single life. If she's cool with it, then great, cool. One of the few things that really gets on my nerves—no, really, I can absolutely not tolerate this—is when those who are what I consider successful daters (compared to me, that would be those that can get a second date) complain about their singletude. Why? It's been almost 8 years since I've kissed a member of the opposite sex! There are surely those who have a track record is worse than mine, and they not only have every right to complain to me, and they deserve to be relieved of that burden. But those who are better off do not have that right.
I do very much want to wish my friend clarity and peace of mind, because from what I've heard, breakups really have a way of, well, sucking. She's really great, and she deserves unconditional love from a guy who can provide for her every want and need. But she and others need to know that I can't "be there" anymore. I can't be the guy who says what he thinks he should say, because I'd rather be the guy who says what he truly feels. Hell, I don't even know if I should be saying anything at this point.
If that's insensitive, then fine, that's not my call. But being thought of as insensitive is better than denying how I feel in this type of situation.
In short, I have to stay out of this one. That goes for future situations like this as well.
