Laren: “What are your rules about calling someone?”
My only rule about calling someone is that I try to avoid it. Laren is asking about the more specific context of getting a cute boy or girl's phone number and there is at least some initial romantic interest on the part of one of the people involved in the transaction. Since getting phone numbers of pretty women isn't exactly a specialty, and in the rare event that I do get one and actually think about calling her, it feels like I'm going to interrupt someone from doing something important. Laren advises to not ask for a girl's number if you're not planning on calling her, but I'm way ahead of her on that.
The rules about phone calls speaks to the problem I have with dating and relationships in general. I get conflicting messages from people wfho say that the relationships they entered into "just happened" when in reality they followed the rules and played the game well, which sometimes involves work and accentuating (or lying about) strengths and de-emphasizing (or, again, lying about) weaknesses. Part of the reason for my low level of success has been an unwillingness to accept the rules of the dating game, which almost always means involuntary non-participation in the dating game. (Confidence issues play a role too, and let me just say that the people who say I should get confidence need to come up with a detailed plan as to how this scarce commodity can be acquired.) I also get messages from people who say I have to change something about me in order to increase my chances—a recent tip was to wear cowboy shirts at parties—and then others who say I should "be myself". Be myself?! I've been myself for 25 years plus, and it hasn't worked!
This bitter rant was brought to you by last night, and it has nothing to do with the the local sports team's elimination from the playoffs.
