Julie Leung links to my rant on marriage and has some detailed comments. “I wonder whether the men in these examples cited by Just a Gwai Lo knew their women well. What were they thinking? I think that the best proposal is one that tells a woman how well her man knows and loves her. Some women like to receive this in a public way. But others don't. Any proposal is risky but a public proposal is much riskier - if the man is rejected it will be a bigger deal, a huge hurt and humiliation. Of course, if she accepts, then it's a big deal too, to everyone who's on the train or airplane or wherever.”
Oh, the men obviously didn't discuss marriage before asking their girlfriends to marry them. I have a couple of friends who are going to be together forever (because they were best friends for about a decade before starting dating) who at least talked about what it would be like to get married, usually last thing before going to sleep. (That's what they say, anyway.) His proposal was very public: it happened at the picnic after her university graduation. But the guy covered all the bases: he asked her parents what they thought, and (so the story goes) his parents jokingly threatened to disown him if he didn't marry her. He even asked me what I thought. Me!
Julie again: “Part of the problem might be women's expectations in our culture. Women seem to want all of life to be roses and lace. Romantic. Picture perfect. Knight in shining armor 24/7. At least during dating. Men feel this pressure to be emotional, elaborate and creative. It's a difficult standard for them, probably more natural for some than for others. I think for men it might feel like walking on the moon at times, not knowing how or what to do. How to be The Guy for their gal. How to make her happy. Perhaps these men in their proposals were trying to appeal to the women's hearts with something that they thought would be creative and romantic.”
I agree that the pressure is there, but she makes an overly-broad generalization about women (insert Clerks joke here) and even the generalization itself may be incorrect. Many single women are buying their own homes (or paying for their own mortgages, which is effectively the same thing), many women like hot, successful, confident men (the so-called Alpha Male), and, I dunno, the other evidence I have to prove my point. I admit that her being a woman and my being a man probably helps her case rather than hinders it.
She talks about the buying of rings, and even though she doesn't mention diamonds specifically, I can't help but notice that there is no discussion about whether diamond rings are symbols that unwittingly paint women in a negative light.
