Negotiating Condom Use
Lara Tabac on the reasons women may not want their sexual partner to use a condom (note this does not grant my female friends licence to talk about their sex lives with me):
In general, it is problematic to speak of condom use by women. Obviously a woman cannot wear a condom, she can only ask her partner to do so. There are many reasons a woman might not ask her partner to use condoms and her partner might not offer. (In other instances women do ask, but nonetheless condoms are not used.) I have more firsthand information on why a woman won't ask for a condom than why a man won't wear one. (Some think that there is one obvious answer to this.) As one of my informants said to me once: "Why would I ask him to wear a condom? I don't want him to be angry at me! I need him to give me money for Pampers and rent and I don't need to be thinking about condoms, I have Norplant!" And another: "If I ask him to wear a condom he's going to be thinking that I'm sleeping around. I'm not sleeping around, but I know that he is. Still, we play like I don't know that and never use them." While these explanations speak to issues of power and keeping the peace, other women talk about the heat-of-the-moment dynamic: "I knew I shouldn't do it," one explained, "but he was so damn hot and when he didn't put one on and I didn't have one in my apartment, I just said the hell with it."
Far be it from me, a concerned prude with too much time on his hands, to suggest that abstaining from pre-marital sex might solve that dilemma. Besides, the hypocrisy would be rank: I'm pretty sure I don't oppose pre-marital sex for myself. It's just interesting to know that females also have reasons for intentional condom non-use. Also interesting is the second-last woman's brazen risking of her own life just for a fuck.
