I hear a lot in the press the experiences of people who have had success with online dating—that is, the sites where you set up a profile, buy "credits" and then search for local people you think look attractive based on that profile then contact them. Just as a general impression, though, the same people that are successful with online dating (successful defined as physically meeting someone at least a few times as the result of the communications happening on an online dating site) are the same people who are successful in offline dating. That is, people who are willing to smoothly and unproblematically "make the first move" in a physical setting, i.e. extroverts.
As I say, that's a general impression, and I hear a story or two of nice, shy people meeting online, getting together, and finding that their personalities are compatible for a romantic relationship. Online dating doesn't seem very well suited for the people that most need to get out of the house and hang out with friendly members-of-the-sex-they-prefer. The stories are few and far between, though, so I wonder, those that consider themselves shy, what have their experiences been? I'm more interested in the guys' perspective, but I'd also like to hear about the shy girls' experiences.
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Hi, as a fairly extrovert girl (I was extremely shy when I was younger but decided to go all out at uni and make a fresh start) who has met the love of her life on a dating website, I recommend them! My boyfriend is shy and I'm only his second girlfriend (his first girlfriend wouldn't let them do anything physical, so it's probably a different experience anyway.) I'm surprised he hadn't had many girlfriends before, as he's very charming, friendly, funny and good-looking (not that he believes this). He's the most gentlemanly man I've ever met and totally respects me.
We actually met on a university-based internet dating site, and I wouldn't have dared try anything broader. There are loads of dating sites specifically focused on certain shared interests/areas, and I reckon I'd recommend these as it makes it more realistic, wth a more probable chance of a meeting.
It's not only shy people that use dating sites, as some people believe. I hadn't had much luck at dating for a while for a couple of reasons: firstly I seem to be too outgoing and friendly for most guys, who apparently prefer the bitches. Also most guys I met, usually in clubs, really weren't my type, as I actually prefer shy, mysterious guys who I can have an interesting conversation with. I knew there were bound to be some on the internet dating sites, and probably next to none in the clubs (my current boyfriend is, unlike me, not a clubbing fan.) We've been going out for nine months now, after he suggested meeting up. Surprisingly for a blind date there was an instant attraction and we talked for four hours straight! No doubt it helped that we'd shared daily, long e-mails, so I already felt like I knew him quite well.
So basically, it can work. It's probably a combination of pure luck and going for the right person. Oh and don't be shy about asking your 'date' if you can meet in person! I wasn't going to do it, even though I wanted us to meet up, because I've found that guys tend not to like it when girls come on strong! Perhaps this is where dating websites come into their own for shy people, they can hide behind the screen when they do the asking out...you can get to know someone sufficiently without even having to look at their face! When I was younger, MSN played this role for me and it's how I met 2 of my previous boyfriends (they were friends of friends). Sad, but it worked!